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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

6 months later.

peppy

6 months today. It has been 6 months since Peppy has been gone. I know some people may think 6 months is enough time with a pet, but for me the pain is still fresh. The last few days have been sad. She has been on my mind. But today. Today I found her brush. With her fur still in it. the second I touched her fur I started sobbing. I forced myself to go through it, to feel the pain, to keep grieving. Looking at her pictures and I lost it even more. She was a part of my life for half of the time I have been alive. She saw me through so much pain. She always felt human to me, she seemed to know when I was hurting. Right now if she were here she would be cuddling me, pushing her tiny head through my hands, as I sit here and bawl like a baby. Her last year on earth was tough for her with the new addition of the baby. She was old and tired and was impatient with his movements. How? How do you deal with that? Not to value one life over the other, that seems so wrong. But in reality my son took precedence. That is the way it should be. However 15 years as the princess, the baby, the dog who was more human than canine, means she couldn’t deal with it. My recent feelings have been ones of guilt. My head knows the truth, but my heart is torn. If only I could have pushed a little further to when days with my son became more routine, a little more breathable. There were so many reasons that made the timing feel right, and I think of my dad’s words from back then to never question the decision and to never regret. My heart doesn’t feel the same way my head does. Not tonight as I sit here and cry, touching her fur, seeing her big brown eyes in my pictures. She was everything. everything to me. I can’t think of one comforting thought. I yearn for the days that she was happily by our side. I wish there could have been more with her and my son as a family.

 

We did look at dogs the other day. Just to feel it out. I could barely make it through without tears. Seeing the joy that the dogs brought my son gave me mixed feelings, but it definitely took away the immediate grief.

 

 

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her favorite place

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peppy

our family picture for Easter 2010

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peppy

 

her other favorite place- the sun

peppy

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The scary parts of life: dealing with change, getting over fear, grieving for someone/something lost, not knowing the future and if it really will “be ok”

But we all go through the scary parts of life, we have to. Life is what it is. We all deal with them in different ways. Some of us embrace them, some of us get angry, some of us lean on the loved ones around us, some of us ignore them, we all get through it. Eventually. Time doesn’t stop, we never get a break from the forward motion of life. Don’t ignore the beautiful parts of life though: growing, learning, realizing, believing, hoping, loving, making mistakes, getting messy, laughing at ourselves. Cheesy but true.  It is OK to feel, to ask questions, to be confused.
Don’t underestimate who your loving Savior is. Whether you know Him personally or not He is there capable of handling your doubt, grief, questions, and feelings.

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