Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

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Life has a way of slapping perspective on you. In the weeks approaching this one I couldn’t help but feel more and more anxious. My husband was leaving for a week, which seriously freaked me out even though we have spent a lot more time apart than that. What scared me most was the intense pressure that I was alone in taking care of our son, what if something happens? Who else but my husband would drop everything on a seconds notice to help? We don’t live near any family, we are blazing this trail alone.
The night my husband left I went to “life group”. Which is just a fancy term for a small group of us from church who kind of have things in common and meet every 2nd and 4th Tuesday to get to know each other just enough that you have to start all over again the next time. ( OK It’s more than that, but this is how I would have described it this night).  I kept hearing the voice that night that I was alone. “These people don’t care about you” “you don’t have a village” “you are alone here” “You may as well just leave”. The thoughts crippled me. I literally laid awake in bed praying that I just know something was going to go wrong and what was I to do when it does because I was alone. Satan pinpointed my weakness and lunged at the opportunity to attack.
The next day was the first of 3 that things would, in my book at least, go terribly wrong.
My anxiety over my teeth’s health always haunts me. I have nightmares my teeth are falling out, because I am stressed my teeth will fall out. Wednesday night I was having dinner with a much loved, newly refreshed friend when my top tooth falls out. Just *falls* out. I knew the tooth was in bad shape and had just seen a surgeon about extracting it, but only part of it fell out which meant this just became an emergency. See, I had not yet made my appointment because I was trying to decide on local anesthesia or going under. I was feeling incapable of making a decision because of some personal reasons that felt impossible to go through. I asked God to help me make a wise choice, so He helped.
The next day I set my phone on the counter and I swear a wind came out of no where and pushed my phone face down on the hard tile. The screen cracked and I wasn’t able to properly function it. The feeling of vulnerability in that moment was unbearable, not to mention I was traveling in a few days and about to undergo oral surgery.
The morning of that oral surgery came and later that evening as I was coming home from getting my medicine my car got a flat tire.
These circumstances were less than desirable, for sure. But here is what I saw from them. My friend at dinner stayed longer than she could to make sure I was ok, and sat in traffic for two hours going home because of it and offered to come back the next day. Another friend who is having a baby any day now asked if she could help me in any way. Another friend canceled a long awaited reunion with someone special to watch my son for my appointment. Another friend moved an important meeting around and took his kids from the last days of summer to drive me to my appointment, stay for over an hour, and get me safely to where I needed to go. Another friend went the opposite direction of her house and job to come to pick us up and stay with us until she had to go to work. Another friend stayed the night with us to make sure we were ok. Another friend happily met me immediately at the side of the road to change my tire.
Gratitude changes everything.
The lesson I am learning through this is not to live in fear but in gratitude, to open my eyes and see that I do have a village, to see God will take care of me and He alone is what I should set my eyes upon.
After these 3 days of darkness a new hope has arisen in me.
My friend helping with my tire.
I found this picture on my phone the night of my oral surgery. I have no memory of taking it.

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Green is a beautiful color, isn’t it? There is one exception, however. Green with envy.

Yes, I have this disease. I’m green over many things. People that have cuter owls than me. My friends with babies. Cute apartments. Fashionable friends. People who live near their families and have their dream jobs.

Seriously, being green isn’t attractive, Its not fun, and I have nothing to gain from it.

Last year I learned many lessons. One big lesson was gratitude. I was learning to be satisfied with where I am in life. I get so caught up with missing the past and looking forward to the future that I forget my present is beautiful.

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