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Archive for August, 2013

For the last five months I have suffered from post traumatic stress. The flashbacks hit me like waves hitting the shoreline. They are powerful, overwhelming, and frequent. When they hit they envelope my entire conscience. The irony about post traumatic stress is that to deal with it, one must flow with it. First, one must let the waves completely wash over the entire body by accepting the flashback. And as a surfer uses the waves to his advantage, so must one control the memories and the images of the flashback. As I play the scene(s) over and over again in my head, I wonder if there’s anything I could have done differently. I go through each stage of grief. And when the thoughts are too great to handle, I temporarily escape them by repeating this verse over and over: “And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8) Every day is a healing process, every flashback is an opportunity to move forward. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with PTSD, years ago it caused problems in the workplace, in my relationships, and in my spiritual life. I take comfort knowing I am not alone in this process, I serve a God whose love stands firm and in whom there is much hope.

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