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Archive for September, 2012

The danger of worry.

My mom said something to me the other day that spoke power into my life. I was sharing my health worries with her.
I have a lot of worries. I realized that there is always something that is plaguing my mind, there is always a disaster about to happen or a disease I think I have. In this case I was worried about my pregnancy. (yes! I haven’t shared it yet, but I am 4 months pregnant).
Something was going on and I wasn’t sure if it was normal or not. I was so overly stressed and anxious about it, to the point where I was probably creating a real problem. So I was sharing this particular worry with her and she all of a sudden loudly proclaims that this baby is fine, I am fine, and in Jesus name Satan begone! I wouldn’t call my mom a prophet or a healer, but I think in this moment she was both. God was speaking right through her to me. Tears starting flowing and I immediately felt fine. A rush of peace swept over me and I could feel my burden being lifted. Since then I have had worries, but the stress and heaviness of the worries haven’t been the same. I’m trying to remember that I am not in control, and I need to trust that God is there in all His sovereignty. Worry will only create problems and place my focus in the wrong direction.
Although, I still find it difficult to know when to go to the doctor. After all, just about every symptom points to either gas or cancer.

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The last two months anyone who knows me would have said I’ve been in nothing less than a foul mood. There have been some unintentional slips of hurting people’s feelings, speaking before thinking, and a generally negative attitude overall. Cynicism has been my best friend. I hate being this way. I know that I’ve been put on this earth to do much more than whine and complain about trivial circumstances, but it’s like I’ve been trapped in this pit 20 feet deep. Dark. Murky. Cold. And that’s where my heart has been.

Despite the reasons that this may have occurred, anything I say would just seem like an excuse. Because it would be. There isn’t a reason in this world that I should spend two months sulking around, hope is all around me. Blessings are overflowing in my life.

It’s times like these where I’ve just come out of a place like that that I am ever so glad grace exists. Not only do I experience grace from my perfect creator, but I experience it from everyone around me. Sure, they have been sick of my attitude and have gotten frustrated with me, but as I am now it’s like nothing’s changed. No one is angry or disappointed in me, and they should be because I am.

It just so happens that this month at church we are going through a “restorers” series. Let me share this prayer with you that has seemed to be just what I need to say every day.
“God, give me the courage to engage brokenness. When I doubt your power, make it known to me. When I am prone to judge and condemn others, remind me of my own story. When I am too busy and distracted to see the opportunities you have provided, convict me. When it feels uncomfortable, difficult, or hopeless, help me to overcome my excuses. Make me into the kind of restorer you created me to be.”

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